im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
