If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
