you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
