redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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