my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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