The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
