THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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