I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize