i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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