It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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