nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
