90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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