Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
