i can't believe i had my finger in that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
