Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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