What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
