dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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