You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
