Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
