Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
