you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
