Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
