look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
