My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
