i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
