shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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