i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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