just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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