yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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