I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
