i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
