For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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