Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
