just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
