he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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