Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
