oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
