Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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