I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
