worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
