his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
