she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
