I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
