just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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