you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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