So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize