i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
