You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
