some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
