my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
