Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
