just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
