I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
