When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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