I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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