So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
