Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
