I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
