He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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