My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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