Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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