My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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