We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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