my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to sanitize my soul.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
