You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
