HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
