Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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