I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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