My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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