she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
