Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
