girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
