I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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