how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
