A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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