Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The air was thick with penises
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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