Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
