I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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