Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
