He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
