I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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