just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
