I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
