dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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