also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
