If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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