I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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