last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize