we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
