i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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