I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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