Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
