I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dignity is for republicans.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
