guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
