I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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