im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
