I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
